really? I don't think so!

Today started out great and then made an unexpected left turn, and then continued to baffle me with what had just happened until I was at the point where I sat on the phone with my best friend, while she was outside freezing her ass off with church youth group in abox, with tears silently streaming down my face as I voiced for the first time what the new horrible choices I was going to have to face because of the abusive asshole I choose to marry. But here's the thing, his newest surprise for me i learned over 2 weeks ago, and hadn't told anyone because really why bother? Who needs others shit muddling up your life? Instead I had chosen to keep getting out there and trying to find happyness and fun in my life in aspects I could control, or at least thought I could. Now if I had written this 3 hours ago before I went to the bar with the thought in my head to get drunk this would be a very different story, but I didn't and so it's not.

AS I sat at the bar, drinking my second drink in 5 minutes and staring at the football game on tv, not even trying to be cute or flirty but pissed, and angry, and let down inside, the band began playing a song, one with a good tempo and a beat and words that I knew as I started singing along with the lady next to me as she ordered her drinks with perfectly manicured loong black nails and a precisly ripped shirt I heard the words anew. And they spoke to me and I embraced them and I must agree. I am dynamite damit! I am raising 5 kids on a farm, doing the farm work, working 2 friggin jobs, going to school full time, working my ass off at the gym 5 hours a week, and manage to take care of everything these kids need because $24 a week does NOT feed a kid, much less clothe it, diaper it, give it health insurance vitamins and dental, and pay for classes sports and everything else they need and desire, so I am dynamite damit! And for all those fuckers who think I'm not you can suck it!



Oh and FYI assholes with out any kids, Kids don't make you look older no matter how many you have, on the contrary they keep you young running your ass off with them, singing, and playing and laughing. Domestic abuse is what makes mothers and women look old, assholes like you who treat them like shit every stinking day of their lives until they finally see the liggt one way or another.